Virtual Counseling Office

Somewhere, at this very minute, there is probably someone out there who hurt you, angered you, upset you, or wronged you. You still haven’t gotten over it. Someone talked about you behind your back, your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you to go out with someone else, your friend canceled plans you were looking forward to, your sibling broke something of yours, a teacher embarrassed you in class, your parents grounded you for something you didn’t do. You’re entitled to feel hurt, angry, betrayed, or disappointed. Keep in mind though that those feelings can last a long time, because as difficult as it can be to say, I’m sorry, it can be just as difficult to say, I forgive you. But if the person who hurt you can apologize - which sometimes is not an easy thing to do - you can make an effort to forgive, especially if the apology is sincere, real, and from the heart.

What if the person who hurt you or wronged you does not apologize? Can you still forgive them? Absolutely. Although this situation may be more challenging-to forgive someone who isn’t sorry- you are still letting go of anger, bitterness and hurt that you have been carrying around with you. Forgiveness is a choice. It is a decision. Corrie Ten Boom, a woman who suffered from the horrors of a concentration camp in World War II, once said, "Forgiveness is not an emotion. It is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart." She believed that love and forgiveness are more powerful than hate and bitterness. True forgiveness is meaningful because it puts the past behind and leaves it there. Corrie Ten Boom frequently compared forgiveness to casting all wrongs into the deepest sea and posting at the surface a No Fishing Allowed sign. It is not genuine forgiveness when you continue to remind the person of how they have hurt you, or you continue to harbor bitterness after giving forgiveness. If you are not really letting go, and you are still going fishing in the pond, the bitterness and hate that you are holding on to can then infect other relationships and areas of your life.

Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness; it shows your power as an individual. It does not mean that you are giving in or giving the other person permission to hurt you again. It means that you are strong enough to accept the fact that everyone makes mistakes, and your friend, girlfriend or boyfriend, teacher, parent  are no exception. Forgiving someone takes nothing away from you as a person- it adds to your strength.1 True forgiveness is one of the most difficult character qualities to master-but it is only by true forgiveness that you can clear the record of wrong, refuse to hold a grudge, and enable a relationship to move forward.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future
- Paul Boese


DOES YOUR CHILD NEED EXTRA HELP IN A CLASS OR TWO?

We suggest the following for students needing help with their coursework:

  1. Set up a time to meet with your teacher according to availability.
  2. Set up a student study group with members of your class.
  3. If there is still difficulty despite the extra help and hard work, see your counselor to help you set up a student tutor with in the school.
  4. If difficulty continues an outside tutor may be useful.

 


PARENTS STILL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

Combat Peer Pressure - Arm Your Teen with Self-Esteem

Experts agree that children who lack self-esteem can’t stand up as well to peer pressure. Here are five things you can do to boost your teen’s self-esteem and bolster the ability to withstand bad influences. Encourage your child to:

1) Take Pride in his/her accomplishments

We shouldn’t always depend on others for approval. Encourage a sense of self-satisfaction by saying: “You must be proud of yourself for…”

2) Enjoy his/her own company

Teens need time alone to examine their thoughts and feelings. This helps them to be less susceptible to others. Suggest activities that he/she can do by him/herself – art, crafts, reading and jogging. Tell your child the benefits of spending time alone.

3) Trust his/her feelings

Ask your child “What does your gut tell you?” Praise him/her when he/she acts on what he/she thinks is right.

 




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